so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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