Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
