omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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