Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
