I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
