I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
