Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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