it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
