Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
