She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
