I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
