that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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