unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This is my gift to your gina
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize