I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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