worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
