Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
