a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
