What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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