: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I accidentally had phone sex last night
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
