saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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