He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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