I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
