He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
