Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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