i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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