Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
