Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
