Jerry, you need to find god
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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