Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize