We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
