Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
