HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
