Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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