i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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