reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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