dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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