I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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