Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
