We named our party play list daddy issues
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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