2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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