dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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