I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
