I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
