shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
