what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we're making bets on your personal life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
