Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
