he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
