haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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