I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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