If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
