i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
