So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
