I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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