Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
