just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
