Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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