The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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