they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
