Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
