you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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