Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize