i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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