my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
