Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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