so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
