cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
